That test proved I'm human!

    You know that moment, where you're in between being super excited and absolutely terrified about something? That was me about twenty minutes ago. I had to take this english test and I was so nervous! 

    Why was I so nervous? 
1- I have not taken a test in almost five years.
2- If I passed then I would have to go through with the interviewing process. Which kicked up my anxiety. 
3- If I failed then it would be completely embarrassing for more than one reason.
                  1- I would fail a test that should be common sense to me.
                  2- I would fail a test that I want to make a living about one day.
                  3- The person that recommended this place to me would ask how the test went.
4- I would get a pretty decent job, if I passed. 

     Needless to say, this test meant a lot to me. In my mind my entire future was riding on the passing of this test. It was a timed test, which only worsened my nervousness. I don't do well with tests and especially not with timed tests. Even though it was something that should have come naturally to me. 

    The test started and I immediately recognized the question style, it was SAT style wording. You know, when a question is worded so confusingly that you reread it about fifty times. Until it doesn't even sound like words anymore, it just jumbles up together in a giant pile of word vomit. Yeah it was just like that. It may have only been a twenty minute test but when I finished it my brain felt heavy and like it was full of mud.

    I instantly felt ashamed! How can a writer not do well on a writing test? Then I realized -after a couple of hours of feeling stupid- this test did not define me as a writer. Yes, it was basic stuff that I should know but I'm not in high school anymore. I'm not constantly quizzed on this stuff anymore. So, of course, some of it slipped through the cracks of my mind throughout the years. The questions being worded that way doesn't help anyone!

    It doesn't gauge how much you know about the subject. It may see who can figure out word problems, which I wasn't good at in high school either, but it just makes you feel stupid. I felt like a failure.

    I'm not the best writer in the world (that's JK Rowling,) but I'm not the worst either. I make mistakes in my writings everyday and you know what? That doesn't mean I'm a bad writer, that means I'm human.